Help me. Please.

I struggle to breathe, to focus, to see.
All I can feel is the pressure on me.
I just want to live please leave me alone!
But that didn't stop them from casting a stone.

They pierce and they jab I feel blood on my face.
I couldn't imagine a bigger disgrace
Than being buried here under so much pain
Crying out somewhere HELP, although it's in vain.

I didn't ask for this, I don't deserve it, not me.
But that doesn't matter, not at all you see
Because they've picked you now and they want you dead
And they won't stop til they've covered your head.

You just want to cry, to scream to yell.
But no one can hear you, it's your personal hell.
The voices that speak are whispers at night
Telling you everything will be all right.
As they cast a stone, both big and small.
There's nothing more distressing that you can recall.

You hear a loud knock on your bedroom door
You better be dressed we're leaving in four.
You once again realize it's all in your head
The voices, the pain, and all that you dread.
So you put on a smile as if it's with ease
But inside you're still screaming help me. Please

Wrong Kind of Treatment

It must be hard he said....
That must make you sad he said.....
I understand he said....
You're wrong.

When you look at me you see a scared puppy in a thunder storm. Cute and adorable.
You treat me like a cut on a finger when my soul is bleeding from thousands of open wounds
You talk to me as if I was called stupid at recess 
When in reality my mind is so full of words i can't even tell whats real. Whats mine.
And I find myself believing lies over truth because they've become too hard to tell apart.
You treat me like I'm curable when I feel like I have stage 4 cancer. 
You treat me like I've asked for help on a math problem when I am begging for something to grasp to get me out of this pit of deadly snakes.
I am not asking for your advice I am asking for attention.
Because if my wounds aren't looked at soon I'm afraid it will be too late.

So please. 
Don't tell me you've seen this before. 
Spare me from your understanding and oh so comforting words like "everything is going to be alright" 
Because at this moment I am still fighting on the battle field trying to survive and right now I see no way out.
No way of getting back to safety. 
You treat me like I'm learning to swim when I've already drowned and I'm waiting for someone to rescue me. 

Fresh Start

Hello World.

When I originally created this blog 4 years ago it was for a Creative Writing class in school. We all chose pen names to go by and would review each others blogs. Each week or so we would have an assignment or prompt we would do and then read and review each others work and their take on that specific assignment. So when looking at older posts, if they don't make sense that's probably why.

I've recently wanted to start writing again and what better place to do it then here am I right?
I understand that no one will probably ever read this but if I really cared about that, I would definitely be doing things quite differently now wouldn't I?

Here goes nothing, I hope you enjoy what's to come.

If you Really knew me

If you really knew me you'd know I'd sacrifice everything just to make someone I care about happy. You'd know I absolutely hate crying in front of people. And that the smile I put on my face is usually just to hide what I'm feeling.

If you really knew me you'd know that my favorite word is crisp.(Yes I have a favorite word). You'd know that when I sing I pretend I'm amazing even when I know I'm not.

You'd know music is apart of my soul.

You would know I hate tomatoes but love tomato products and that it drives me crazy because I don't know why. If you really knew me you'd know I've never dreamed about my wedding just the house I'm gonna live in. And how I'm gonna be the coolest grandma.

If you really knew me you 'd know I hate shopping with a loathing passion. That my greatest fear is being buried alive. That I'm afraid to close my eyes in the shower for fear someone or something will be there when I open them. You would know my pet peeves list goes forever.

If you really knew me you'd know I act tough and look mean for a reason. But if you really knew me you'd know I have one of the biggest hearts around. You'd know that it means the world to me when someone gives me a compliment. Or when someone thinks I'm good at something.

If you really knew me you'd know I'd get and A++ on procrastination.

You'd know that I'm not the person I've always dreamed of being and I hate myself for it. You'd know that I don't want to be famous I just want to be known.

If you really knew me I wouldn't have to say any of this to you because you would already know it. But the thing is you don't. Because you never took the time.

Jealousy

Litany
by Billy Collins

"There is no way you are the pine scented air"

I think its just so funny that he takes starts his inspiration from something that's supposed to be serious, after all it is a love poem, and turns it into something funny. I just love how he can take from other people but still make it his own. Like when he starts adding the "you are not..." in there. And the way he finishes it just adds so much

"But don't worry I am not the bread and the knife you are still the bread and the knife. You will always be the bread and the knife not to mention the crystal goblet and somehow the wine"

I wish I could be like Billy Collins and get inspiration from someone else
but make it completely my own and make it just unforgettable.

This one's for you

You’re not alone.
This is for all the people who’ve had they’re heart break. For the children who’ve had their mother die. For the single parents struggling to make a living for their family.

You’re not alone.

This is for the people that think life is hard. This is for those who are afraid of heights. For the dreamers whose dreams aren’t coming true. For the boys who have jobs to support their mother and siblings.

You’re not alone.

This is for the women unable to have children. For the kids who always get picked last for everything. For the smart kids who are bad test takers.

You’re not alone.

And every time you look to the sky and ask “why me?” you must remember that you’re not the only one, but one of many. Someone somewhere is out there hurting the same way you are and just like you is looking to the sky and asking “Why me?”

So I say again for the kids dealing with abuse. For the families who’ve lost their homes. For the kids eating alone at lunch wishing they could have just one friend. For the girls who think they’re ugly. For the kids that go hungry because their parents have an addiction to drugs. For the Husbands who watch their wife die after giving birth to their first child. For the widows. For all the people going through or have had bad times in their lives.

You are not alone.

Ghandi

I keep telling myself tomorrow I'll break free.
But each time tomorrow comes I'm still trapped.
Because I keep forgetting that there's no way out.
Society has finally gained the ultimate control and there's nothing we can do about it.
They tell us we can still do as we please. That our destiny and what we become is all up to us.
But I keep forgetting that its not true.
I don't get to decide anything except which of the few options they've
placed in front of me to choose from.
We're all trapped in our individual bubbles created by society that won't let us decide for ourselves.
I see people suffocating. Just wanting to be free like me. Just wanting to have a say in their life.
And asking when will we own ourselves completely?
We won't........until someone breaks free.
So that's why each day I tell myself that tomorrow I'll be the one to break free.
To give myself hope that there's still a chance
I can be what I've always wanted to be.
And for a moment I believe it.
But I keep forgetting.......
There's no way out.